Monthly life update: March.

Monday, March 14, 2016

Hello again! 

I know, I know... I have been slacking off posting again! I'm going to throw out there a typical uni student excuse and say that "oh, I'm just so busy!!" Because, yeah, I am pretty damn busy. This week I am starting off on my third week of uni. I kind of have a clue of what is going on, but at the same time no idea. Is this normal?! 

Over the last two weeks I have been asking myself a lot of questions. So me, being the person I am, I am sharing my worries and fears out into cyberspace. 

After spending my first and second week at uni- this new student life had come completely natural for me. After working full  time for over 3 years, I honestly thought I would miss working, right? Last Friday (a couple of days ago) I had my first shift in 2 weeks and I completely dreaded going back to work. Yep, you betcha! I defiantly did not want to work anymore. 

What was once something that was so natural to me, and something that I invested a lot of myself into Monday through to Friday, now just didn't feel right. I was asked to do jobs that I usually could complete without any thought, and now... well, my brain couldn't remember anything and how to do the job was completely evaporated from my brain. I was so embarrassed in how quickly I could forget everything! It all makes sense, though. My brain is currently in the process of clearing out old information and trying to make way/ store my brain full of new knowledge. At least I know I'm learning. Yippee! 

I'm pretty sure after my second week of uni every teacher was talking about essays, references, exams, oral presentations, library research... And I'm just sitting there doing my best to write down everything the teacher is saying down as quick as I can, and doing that agreement nod- as if I have a clue of what the teacher is talking about. 

Excuse the language, but inside my brain is like: holy shit, fuck. What is that? I'm supposed to do what? Scholary? APA references only? And no use of I, me, you..? Shit. My other class uses Harvard only, and it's about my opinion. What? Huh? Hmmm? HELP!

Yeah, so I am kind of getting use to all this new terminology and how to use it... but my god! I haven't been to school, or studied in years and all this is sending me crazy. I have momumental  amount of information to learn and maybe like 6 and a half days AND complete an 20 minute oral, briefing note and journal article assignment due Tuesday?? Wow. 

To be fair, I decided to take on board the 20 minute oral presentation first. I just want to get it over and done with. Theres no standards (well, from other students) and it will be one less thing to think about by the end of the semester. Right?

But it's only week 2! How can I be distracted already? If you read my first post of uni, you would know how I was finding it hard to fit in because I am slightly older than everyone else. Trust me, just those few years makes a huge difference! That's not to say that I haven't made friends... more so that I feel completely out of the loop. Like, I had no idea that Tumblr was still the in thing... I thought everyone used Pinterest now? Turns out, I'm wrong & it's boring. Ok. 

I was finding in class that I was completely distracted. I didn't want to seem like a complete nerd and writing word for word down and putting my hand up to speak. Nope. But luckily, I noticed this. Why? Because I guess I'm struggling. And I need to take in everything that I can! 

So today, I stopped giving a fuck. I sat up the front and took notes the whole lecture. I didn't care if no one else was writing or that I was whipping out the pink highlighter and sending it on a marathon. No. Because at the end of the day, I signed up for this. I put everything on the line for this. And if I'm paying 60 grand for a cause- than I am doing everything that I can to make sure that I get 60 grand worth of education out of it. So pass me my glasses & call me a nerd. I've got this! 

I had almost officially made it two whole weeks surviving uni. This is all thanks to my careful planning and preparing study routine. But oh my... Sunday afternoon... I was a complete mess. I was rolling around on the floor helplessly. 

What is this? What does this mean? I can't do this! I'm not smart enough for this. I neeeeed help! Please, please, PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!

My boyfriend literally threw me into a cold shower until I was relaxed and in working order again. I did one of those movie moments, you know, when someone is sitting in the shower, crying and contemplating there whole life like 'why me?!' Yeah, I did this. I was questioning uni. Is even this for me? How am I supposed to get through this. Two things came to mind! 

1. I remembered how badly I want to become and Journalist 
2. If uni was easy- everyone would do it

Yes, uni is hard. Very hard. In fact, all you ever hear from students is how hard uni is. But it's one of those things that you have no idea how hard until you're doing it yourself. 

But I want this more than anything. 
I want high distinctions. 
And I want to graduate. 

I think anyone who has that kind of passion is defiantly on the right path and is doing something right. So, at the end of my long day... I feel pretty damn good knowing that I am one step closer to reaching my goals. Even if it looks like this... 


Love, Em. 

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