Hello, I'm short.

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Hello, I’m short. I’m the girl who has always sat the the front and left of every school photo. The girl who has met dogs taller than myself. And the girl who is constantly mistaken for a middle school teenager. I have just reached an age that I means I will no longer grow. So, this is me, 5 feet tall and standing proud. And these are real things that happen to real people like me, in the day to day grind that we call life 

At any event you are expected to wear heels
Yeah, no. I don’t do heels. At ANY event. If I was to meet the queen tomorrow, I would wear my best attire with flats. Just because I am short does not mean at any time that I should have to wear stupid, uncomfortable plank things under my feet. I look ridiculous walking around like I have a stick in my butt with two torn limbs. Just because you are wearing them, does not mean that I have to. EVER.

“Yeah but you're shorttttt, so just wear heels!” Like I said: yeah, no. 



You will be great at sewing
Everything is always too long for you. Your pants are swim around your ankles. Mini dresses are more like midi dresses. And anything cropped is full length. You just can’t win. It’s almost impossible for me to buy something and not have to alter it. 


You get used to being hit in the face
I used to be a strong festival goer, and one of the many reasons I stopped is when ‘fist pumping’ became a thing. Do you know what it’s like being in a mosh pit and the beat ‘drops’. It’s constant elbow to the face. And people fist pump HARD. Whilst people raise their fists and prepare for the miraculous event, I lower my knees and crouch down to avoid looking like I’ve just been in a brawl. And same goes for people on other peoples shoulders… Getting kicked in the face is also something that happens to me regularly. 


Being on someones shoulders is like seeing a whole new world
Seriously. I am always begging for a piggyback ride or just to be on top of someones shoulders. It’s a whole other world up there that I don’t get to see often! It’s also extremely disappointing when someone tall sits down in front of you at the movies or decides to stand in front of you at a gig and completely blocks your view. Not cool… 


You are always forced to be front and centre in EVERY photo
“Ok everyone! All the short people to the front!” I’m not much of a fan of photos… maybe this is why? No matter how bad you look, drunk you are or just not in the mood for a photo… Gosh, you don’t even have to know the people!… You’re short, so that makes you have to squat down at the front of everyone. There is no excuse. There is no escaping. 
It’s just like standing in a photo next to all of ‘tall’ friends… You face is up to your belly button and everyone laughs and comments “aww look how small and cute she is!” Biatch, I am a fully grown adult. You take that back. 


There is no short joke that you haven’t heard before
Whats the weather like down there? 
Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there… 
You're so little I could fit you in my pocket!
Shouldn’t you be in school?
You’re the perfect arm rest.
I feel so tall when I’m with you!
I would insult you, but I’m above that. 

Yeah, yeah, yeah… Ha, ha, ha… I’ve heard it all before. And also, please stop leaning on leaning on me just because I am the ‘perfect height’ to lean upon. 


You are always mistaken for being younger than what you really are 
Believe it or not, the reason why I am working in retail during the day is because I am not a school student anymore. Yes, I am over the age of 16. Surprising, I know! 


This also doesn’t help that my customer voice is way too high pitched.  


Emily x

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